Season's Greetings

Merry “Late” Christmas and Happy New Year to our Friends and Family,

We write you this year full of mixed emotions. As most of you know, we recently suffered the loss of our younger brother Benji. Benji died in a ski accident December 10th. He was an amazing man who served Christ with all he had. Because of this we have confidence that we will be reunited with him once again. It has been a painful time for our family, but despite our loss, God has continued to show us his faithfulness. We are convinced more than ever that God loves his children, and even though evil happens, God continues to prevail. As we have trusted Him, He has shown Himself faithful through the hundreds and hundreds of encouraging notes we have received. Thank you so much for allowing yourself to be used by God in that way. It means more than you know.

Aside from the obvious, this year has been good. In May, Josh graduated from Northwest Christian College with a bachelor’s degree in pastoral ministries. He continues to serve as assistant pastor and worship leader at church and recently took on youth ministry as well. He still works for UPS as a pre-loader in the early mornings. He is currently enrolled again at the community college, taking classes for fun, and plans to enroll in George Fox University this fall pursuing a master’s degree in divinity. Skiing continues to be a priority and this year he got a job at Willamette Pass Ski Resort as a ski instructor. He finds great joy in sharing the passion he has for skiing with others.

Lauren is in the middle of her second year of college pursuing her bachelor’s degree in nursing. Her goal is to transfer to Oregon Health and Science University this fall to continue her education. She continues to serve at church playing guitar on the worship team as well as helping out with the children’s ministry. She has been working part time as a caregiver for a company called Home Instead Senior Care. She works with older people helping them to maintain their independence. She loves her job and the people she gets to work with, and counts it a privilege to invest in people’s lives.

We continue to praise God for all the many blessings He pours into our lives. Even through this very difficult time and loss, God continues to bless us. We have been reminded of the loss God suffered 2,000 years ago and we rejoice in the gift He gave us through His Son. It is our prayer that you are able to experience the same joy and peace that has brought us to the place we are today.

We love to hear from you, so give us a call or stop by some time. We are always excited to see and hear from those we love. And we love you all. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. God is good!

Love and Prayers,

Josh and Lauren

How do I love?

Yesterday I was visiting the mall and was filled with just a sense of how much I loved my brother Benji. It was kind of the weirdest thing, but I walked out of the mall and spotted a Carl’s Jr. and thought, I would give anything, ANYTHING! to just be able to take Benji out to Carl’s Jr. It is nothing special, I actually can't recall a time we went there together, it was just one of those feelings. And then I began to think about how much I loved Benji. I would give anything to have him back. I know he is in a better place and he would hate me if I wished him back from where he is, but I thought to myself...I would give anything, my home, my car, my computer, my skis, everything I have, to have him back; so much in fact that I would be willing to give up skiing to have my brother back. If it would bring him back I would be willing to never set foot on the ski slope again. I would give up everything.

And then I thought about my relationships with those who are still alive. Do I love them the same way? Would I be willing to give up everything to be with them? I have been brainwashed pretty good to think that stuff matters. I place value on things like my home, my skis, my computer, and my car. Why?

Benji, I would give up all these things to be with you, and one day I will. One day I will be with you again and will leave all of these things behind. But, until then, I want to love others. I want to invest into people's lives. One thing I have learned from your life is that stuff doesn't matter. You left everything you owned. There was nothing you bought that you took with you. You left it all for us to sort out (you know you could have maybe taken some of your shirts, and made it a little easier on us). Relationships matter. And it is my prayer that I am able to invest into people's lives because of the legacy you left. I am still faced with the race set before me and I want to run it with a life full of love, willing to sacrifice and give up everything just to be with those I love.

Life goes on...

Life goes on...
Tonight, we as a church, went to a retirement home and did some Christmas caroling. Caroling was something that Benji did well, and enjoyed. Singing songs like "Joy To the World" or "Silent Night" or "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" brought a lump into my throat. How hard they were to sing.

But then I thought about all the loss that these residents have faced. Most of them have lived their lives and have lost many close loved ones to death. And to see a smile on their faces brought a smile to me. It is nice to know that there still can be happiness and joy after such a loss.

Sitting in Starbucks with a friend tonight made me realize once again just what is important in life. I began to re-evaluate my life and what I place value one. Much of which no longer really matters. Life can end in just a moment and what am I doing that will have a lasting impact? What am I doing with my life?

Life is still hard, and the pain is still there, but there is a light... a small glimmer of hope down a long dark tunnel. God is still good.

Life sucks...

Life sucks. I am sitting here, nine days after my brother has died, and feel like crap. Today I did a little bit of running around and I was just getting sick. Everyone was going on as if nothing has happened. People in the store or the mall are going on with their lives, and I feel angry. I feel angry! ANGRY! Not angry with God, and not really angry with anyone in particular, just angry. My life has been seriously interrupted and people all around me seem not to notice. Christmas is going on just as normal - as if nothing happened. "MY BROTHER DIED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" I want to yell it at the top of my lungs! Life as I know it has all of a sudden halted. My brother, my best friend, was taken from this life. My perspective and outlook on life has all of a sudden changed. Right now I feel like all I want to do is just curl up in a corner and do nothing. Just sulk. Life does not seem to matter any more. Nothing seems to matter. What is worth living for?

But then I think to myself, yes I think to myself, life must go on. I have to push through. Sometimes it feels as if the pain will never leave me, and honestly it probably will linger on in the deepest parts of me for the rest of my life. I tell myself that Benji is in a far better place. He is praising and worshiping his Jesus right now, but it doesn't help relieve the pain. It still hurts. The pain is real! The pain HURTS!

I know that God is in control and I know that death is not part of his plan. God hates death, in fact he hates it so much that he sent his own son to die so that death would be defeated. God has brought a lot of healing and has given me a peace, but it still hurts. Benji's death has made me want to praise God more, but it still hurts. I can sing "It is well with my soul" but it still hurts. IT HURTS! Benji left a huge void, a huge hole in my life! Thanks a lot BRO! I love you too! It isn't fair. This is not how it is supposed to be.

Although it hurts, and let me tell you, it hurts, I will continue to trust and to praise God more. But the pain will not go away. I will live with this pain for the rest of my life. For certain I have the hope that I will see him again, in Heaven, but it still hurts, and it will not go away. It will dwindle, but will never disappear. Life sucks! It is full of pain and hurt. This was not how we were created to live! God did not intend his creation to have to go through this. This is not part of his plan at all. But one day... one day... the pain will all go away, and those who believe will be caught up in the air to be with Jesus for all eternity. But until then...